I am in the middle of finishing my paper in two of my subjects this semester when I found myself caught up in dialectics that I subscibe into. I guess I am not that logical and my thoughts are into fragments this time.

Free will. We all have sort of this, I just do not know if we really succumb ourselved - eveything in us to it. This metaphysical concept enables us as human being to make decisions as to what life he or she would like to lead and have the freedom to live according to their own means and thus choose their own destiny. So as to say, that destiny is matter of choice. We are because of our choices; because of our actions. Human capacities make us possible to write our own scripts and take charge of our own actions. And this is what I celebrate most about being a human. Our nature is to act and this enables us to create circumstances for that actions and make things happen.

On the other hand, determinism is what we simply call destiny. Here, it is a matter of fate and we need not to do anything at all since things and events will happen eventually. Such fate could never be altered. Your life has been ordained since you were born until your death. It caged man into a helpless being.

However, we have the tendency to take things on our own - the master of our own ships and we try to thwart and avert what is about to happen - what has been predetermined already. For some reason, we Filipinos have this kind of psyche and it is being captured by the Tagalog phrase “bahala na”. Where it originally expressed as “bathala na”, meaning, resting everything on the divine providence of one supernatural entity.

What I really do not like about it is that it is being use to rationalize laziness of some of our folks. Many of those I knew and met - in their hoverings, resigned themselves to the condition they are into it already with the thought that doing something would not change anything. Their belief is that life finds a solution for itself. Indeed, life always offer us things we need to have, but it does not mean that we wait for it.

To put it simply, adherence to the fact that we construe our reality; we make out destiny and we are responsible for our life would entail humane endowment and potentials. That separate us from the lowly animals.

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I was hesitant actually to write this time. That is why i could not give a suitable title for this entry. At first, I thought of “Love hurts”. It may sound really a hindsight to many. But that is actually what I am feeling right now.

Who would not be hurt after just another “letting go” drama? I let go once of this love, now, I am doing it again - did it again for the second time. Call me stupid for having done it.

Even the toughest guy, Superman himself, had fallen into his knees because of this surreal feeling.

I guess that’s how it will be for the two of us - you know who you are. “We indeed have long past, but a short history”, to put it as Ebbinghaus did on Psychology. Ours is just a week or so of romance and butterflies that we were able to keep way back then…

I could have chosen indeed to stay a little longer. However, I did not…I am not blaming anybody, especially you. This had been my choice. A choice I ain’t sure if I am going to regret in the future.

I’d rather go back to that suffering I had always been of having been away from you. Atleast, rationalizing, that is easier to accept than being hurt despite of this grandiose ”reunion”.

But as always, I would forever be, though I do not promise, in love with you… 

I would want to think things will get better someday, but that is putting myself already into the delusion of reprieve… How I hoped, actually.

This is very ironic. I mean posting a topic like this despite the fact that life took its toll on me with relationship… I guess, this somehow gave a reason to look back why I should not regret loving a man…

Anyway, I got this post from the blof of Paulo Coelho, one of my fave author (http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2007/10/06/why-we-love-men/). In his words, “if I ever decide to write a text “why do we love women?” it would be considered politically incorrect, or typical of a Latin American macho writer, etc. Therefore, I am not going to do that. I will post the reasons that women so far have to love us, taken from different forums. And being a man ( i.e. , endangered species), I am obliged to confess that I agree with most of the items listed below..”

• We love men because they can never fake orgasms, even if they wanted to.
• Because they write poems, songs, and books in our honor.
• Because they never understand us, but they never give up.
• Because they can see beauty in women when women have long ceased to see any beauty in themselves.
• Because they come from little boys.
• Because they can churn out long, intricate, Machiavellian, or incredibly complex mathematics and physics equations, but they can be comparably clueless when it comes to women.
• Because they are incredible lovers and never rest until we’re happy.
• Because they elevate sports to religion.
• Because they’re never afraid of the dark.
• Because they don’t care how they look or if they age.
• Because they persevere in making and repairing things beyond their abilities, with the naïve self-assurance of the teenage boy who knew everything.
• Because they never wear or dream of wearing high heels.
• Because they’re always ready for sex.
• Because they’re like pomegranates: lots of inedible parts, but the juicy seeds are incredibly tasty and succulent and usually exceed your expectations.
• Because they’re afraid to go bald.
• Because you always know what they think and they always mean what they say.
• Because their biggest fear is not being a man, and for this, they need to go away from time to time.
• Because they love machines, tools, and implements with the same ferocity women love jewelry.
• Because they go to great lengths to hide, unsuccessfully, that they are frail and human.
• Because they either speak too much or not at all to that end.
• Because they always finish the food on their plat.
• Because they are brave in front of insects and mice.
• Because a well-spoken four-year old girl can reduce them to silence, and a beautiful 25-year old can reduce them to slobbering idiots.
• Because they want to be either omnivorous or ascetic, warriors or lovers, artists or generals, but nothing in-between.
• Because for them there’s no such thing as too much adrenaline.
• Because when all is said and done, they can’t live without us, no matter how hard they try.
• Because they’re truly as simple as they claim to be.
• Because they love extremes and when they go to extremes, we’re there to catch them.
• Because they’ve got that comfortable place on their shoulder that’s perfect for snuggling into while we fall asleep.
• Because they are tender they when they cry, and how seldom they do it.
• Because what they lack in talk, they tend to make up for in action.
• Because they make excellent companions when driving through rough neighborhoods or walking past dark alleys.
• Because they really love their moms, and they remind us of our dads.
• Because they never care what their horoscope, their mother-in-law, nor the neighbors say.
• Because they rarely lie about their age, their weight, or their clothing size.
• Because they give great hugs, ( and always melt our hearts when a sweet “I love you” is added)
• Because they have an uncanny ability to look deeply into our eyes and connect with our heart, even when we don’t want them to.
• Because we love them, and only a man would think that requires an explanation.

Now, have you found your reason why’d you loved and still loving your man?…

Everyone actually yearns for success. But little do we know that we are scared of it - we fear that we will never attain it in spite of what we strive to do; we fear actually that we will have no purpose after we already achieved this success we worked hard for. How will life be after success? This thought linger to us. Though we may not admit it; though we may fail to realize it.

It is only the other day that I came to understand this concept of Abraham Maslow, one of my favorite theorists of personality. But one thing, I am not a dedicated student of him - perhaps, his theory of self-actualization is one positive axiom about human nature amidst the negative and condescending assumptions of others - that the primary motive of a human being is to satisfy his or her sexual urges or his repressed emotions.

This is Jonah Complex. Perhaps if you are familiar with the Biblical story of Jonah who was called by God to travel to Nineveh but he actually escape from his supposed calling. Anyway, here is a useful educational discussion I was able to browse recently regarding the Jonah Complex. In summary, the Jonah Complex posits that people are afraid of their own destiny and fear that maximizing their potentials will lead to situations where they will be unable to cope. This is the primary reason why people do not self-actualize - to become  what they are capable of becoming.

According to Maslow, as cited by Sanjay Agrawal in http://success-nirvana.blogspot.com/2007/03/jonah-complex.html, the Jonah complex is characterized by:

* There is an evasion of growth, and evasion of the state where one’s talents may be truly fulfilled;

* Achieving one’s true potential is taken to be akin to committing hubris – a “sinful pride”; this leads to paranoia.

These thoughts at the core level of one’s existence gel and reach the surface in the form of inertia. Human beings go about leading their lives in mediocrity, never ever reaching their true station in life.

It is not that easy. We may have this impulse or even a need to improve ourselves but accordingly, we have a rooted tendecy to wallow and fear away from our destiny. True enough, as Agrawal ends it, that is not failure we fear, rather, success itself - "What if I succeed"?…

Social Contract.

I am not to talk about this political philosophical expression of John Locke’s activism. I was actually reading the philosophical foundation of psychology as part of our discussion for my Psych 206 class yesterday when I get fixated at the page of Locke. He had been dubbed as the founder of British Empiricism - that is everything we know are gained through our experiences - tabula rasa. It is actaully a reverberation of Aristotle’s blank slate of mind.

I first encountered the concept of Social contract when I was taking my Soc Sci 2 class - I really could not appreciate it. But social contract, in a nut shell, tells about the reciprocity of responsibility of the State and its constituents - that the State, or the government is ought to protect and care about its constituents whilst, the people should respect, participate and do their dues as citizens like paying taxes and abiding the constitution.

In the Philippines, the failure of the political system could not only be attributed to the corrupt system and the morally incapable leaders, perhaps, the apathy of the people to participate. Their pessimism toward it…it is reciprocal after all.

i found this site to be very interesting. i hope you will find it of use too.

why cheaters cheat? any idea. somehow, this article will help elucidate some peculiars of man’s vulnerabilities especially when it comes ti relationship. we never get satsified, as they say…all of use, how little and subtle and even unintended as we try to reasoned out, we actually cheated — not necessarily our intimate partners but more ourselves.

The Reasons Cheaters Cheat

by:  Dr. Frank Gunzburg

Unfortunately, there is not one simple answer that addresses why all people who get involved in affairs do so. People are complex and engage in infidelity for different reasons. When we talk about the “reasons” the affair happened, it might seem as though the affair were inevitable or somehow a justifiable course of action. I don’t want to give you that impression. As such, it might be better to think of these as themes for the justification of the affair, rather than the “reason” it happened. Here are a few themes that seem to come up again and again:

» Some people cheat because they aren’t getting their needs met inside their relationships. They are under the deluded notion that going outside their relationships is a legitimate answer. It isn’t.

» In some cases, people cheat because they have never learned to honor boundaries. They know the boundaries are there, but they have little hesitation about stepping over them.

» Some people are thrill seekers who just can’t pass up the opportunity to get a thrill. The very fact that these people are doing something that is taboo compels them to engage in the affair.

» Similarly, some men think that they are not a real man if they turn down a sexual invitation from someone attractive.

» Some people have low self-esteem, and they get a sense of self-worth through finding people who care about them.

» In some cases, people have sexual fetishes that their partners have problems with, so they go outside their relationships in order to fulfill these sexual desires.

» A very common theme is that people cheat because their partners no longer make them feel special. These people go outside their relationships thinking that another person might fill this gap.

Whatever the underlying reasons, cheaters cheat because they have the mistaken notion that going outside their relationships will solve their problems or fulfill some aspects of their characters.

Some people have a defective sense of commitment. (I most commonly see this in men.) They might expect themselves to be totally honest in other situations, but feel they don’t have to be when it comes to women. Although they usually vehemently deny it at first, these men have a denigrating view of women, putting them in a second-class position. I am assuming that the men reading this book are much less likely to be in this group because you are devoting this time and energy to repairing your relationship, which requires equitability between you and your partner. In the end, the reason why cheaters cheat is not of paramount importance. You can ask why they did what they did until you’re blue in the face, and each scenario could present a different answer.

The typical reason it is so important to the injured person to find out why the affair happened is based on the mistaken notion that if you want to stop or change a behavior, you have to know what triggered the behavior in the first place. If you don’t know why it happened, the thinking goes, you can’t stop it from happening again. Unfortunately, if you try to find out why the affair happened, the best you will probably get is some kind of justification for why it started, or perhaps a list of factors that are built to make the infidelity seem like less of a crime than it is.

More importantly, you don’t have to know why an action happened to keep it from happening again. In some cases, exploring what went into the cheater’s choice to cheat can help protect them against the possibility of cheating again, but this isn’t universally the case, and it isn’t what is going to keep your partner from cheating in the future. That will take hard work and commitment. Neither you nor your partner needs to investigate what lead to the affair to recommit to being faithful to each other. What is important is that both of you want to heal your relationship and are ready to do the work necessary to achieve that objective. The techniques this book is founded on will help you restore your relationship regardless of why the cheating partner decided to have an affair.

It is time to let this question go. Recognize that there may be reasons that this happened, but that figuring out the reasons doesn’t take you that much closer to rebuilding your relationship together. What will move you in that direction is figuring out what you need in this relationship, how those needs have been neglected, and how your needs interface with your partner’s needs.

http://www.whispy.com/reasons_why_men_women_cheaters_cheat_have_affairs.htm

I definitely agree with him that even if we already know the truth, the fact why does the person whom we have trusted most betrayed us, it does not give any relief from the pain and the damage it caused. Let me further quote Sally Kempton…"To know that something has been wrong is not necessarily to make it right…"

love - it is a virtue.

but wait a minute. do not think that i am again to talk about love - the romantic one as i normally experienced it. love is a virtue that is universal. it transcends among ages. we loved since we were borne. we felt this towards our parents, to our primary caregivers. we loved our peers and our friends - that is why we have this agage or platonic love. there are so many axioms about love. perhaps people have this collective unconscious, originated from our apex. we conceptualized it according to our experiences as empiricists would argue. it is not innate, as nativist would normally put it.

anyway, love comes into being during the young adulthood stage of ERikson. according to him, this is the rpimary virtue and the ultimate concern of young adults like my colleagues, nad i of course, is no exemption. we long to seek partners and affiliates, not necesarily, boy friend or gril frieds. nevertheless, this is the stage where one is willing to commit themselves and share their lives to an intimate partner. perhaps this is the foremost reason, why several of my peers and the people at my age, are either married, engage and engaged in an established relationship.

what do you think about it? could it really be true that young adults like ourselves is in search for it if it is not our goal at this time?

patience is a virtue, they say.

this is really true. sometimes, we just have to wait. although i am an ardent follower of destinay as something we should work into, there are things we should  leave to fate resting in our faith in the almighty. he is the ultimate architect and he has this over-arching design for each and every person waiting to be revealed in his time. yes, in his time. but as persons with limited comprehension, we may never understand about this, and this is actually what separate us from the creator…

there are things that it will best work if we just let time carry them; if we just go with the flow and savor every moment. i am not talking about ivory feelings here nor nostalgic events… we just have to acknowledge that at times, we can’t get hold onto what is happening around us and the things we wish to take place. there is a time for everything as one chapter of the bible would tell us. we just have to wait…we just have to be patient…

i rejoice in waiting. although waiting is in itself a form of suffering…it is a sweet surrender actually to time…

life is too short. but there is no need to hurry up…

Dear you,

Hi! I know that you are doing great today. You even actually viewed my profile. Hahahaha

Anyway, there is just one thing that I would want to tell you - and that is, thank you.

We are the type of colleagues, though,almost spent half of our lives together because we are schoolmates eversince, we never actually had time to chat and bond like good old pals. And everything changed recently.

Yes, just as I had agreed with you that night, I remained faithful to our understanding.

But in the event that I will no longer be around - meaning, no text, no more gal to call you from time to time- and there maybe are words that I failed to tell you nor hear from you; neither actions that I ought to show you - yes, with our unfinished business, I just want to always tell you that I am so ever grateful to the time - even for just a week almost - you have spent with me.